Let’s face it, unless you’re really, really good at talking to strangers in person (and sometimes even if you are), you’re probably not terribly fond of networking. Going up to a stranger and forming a connection with them within a few minutes sounds like a daunting task at the best of times, and it’s probably worse under pressure. I’ve read a lot of articles on networking, and there are an endless number of tips and tricks you can find online that don’t always apply. I’m going to offer you some of the most basic ones, and also the ones that I personally think can help almost anyone.
Before the event:
1. Remember that networking is not about finding a job
Networking is about building a relationship. This is very, very important to remember, especially if you’re actually looking for a job. People who attend networking events are all there to meet other people. They are not just potential employers, and they won’t appreciate you treating them that way. When you attend a networking event, you won’t have the same elevator pitch as you do at a career fair. You’re here to make yourself interesting and memorable, and if you find a job doing that, that’s a bonus.
2. Prepare an elevator pitch
An elevator pitch is basically a 30 second ‘about me’ that summarizes all your best qualities and work experiences. No matter how many questions you prepare, at some point someone is going to ask you the standard, “So tell me about yourself”, and you don’t want to be caught unawares. A good elevator pitch can also land you a great job, or an excellent connection! Use Clark Career Services and online help to prepare an elevator pitch. You don’t want to memorize it exactly because you might need to switch around some things in conversation, but practice saying it as much as possible. Someone might also ask, “How can I help you?” It’s a good idea to be prepared for that one too.
3. Plan icebreaker questions
Who wants to stand in front of an award-winning journalist who would make a really, really great connection and then just blank on what to talk about? Or in a desperate move, talk about the perfectly nice weather for ten minutes? Plan a few generic questions in advance that will keep the conversation moving. You don’t want to ask yes or no questions that leave awkward silences after the answer, so your planned questions should be open-ended.
4. Do your research
There’s usually a list of RSVPs available on the event page for you to look through. You don’t need to look up everyone, but pick at least two or three people you definitely want to meet at each event. Google and LinkedIn are your friends. Know something about them, so you can connect to them easier, and prep a few specific questions just for them. Make it a goal to not leave without introducing yourself to at least these few people.
5. Set a goal for yourself
Which brings us to point number 5, which I believe is the most important for those of us who are just not super comfortable with people in general. Everyone has different goals for a networking event. Some people’s goal is to meet twenty people, others have a goal of meeting five. Some people just set a goal of lasting at least one hour in the room with all these strangers. Set a realistic goal for yourself based on what you believe you can accomplish. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself; that’s just going to make you uncomfortable, and other people can tell when you’re uncomfortable. Remember point number 1, networking is not about meeting as many people as possible to hunt down a job. It’s about building long-term connections. If you have an hour-long conversation with only one person instead of five-minute conversations with twenty different people, that one person is far more likely to remember you going forward. That’s probably going to be the connection that lasts. So it’s okay if you set a goal of meeting only three people at an event, as long as you stick to that goal. Don’t leave until your goal is accomplished.
6. Prepare to be uncomfortable at times
Things might be awkward at first. Things might be awkward throughout the event. There are definitely going to be awkward silences. You’re not going to know what to say at least once, probably more times. Someone else is going to be even more awkward than you, so there might be two people in a conversation who are bad at talking to other people. You might accidentally say something you shouldn’t have. It’s okay. You’re not going to be the only person who will be uncomfortable or awkward. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Trust me, no one will remember you tripping and spilling water all over the front of your pants, and if they do, well, I personally believe anything that makes you memorable is a good thing. You’re meeting a lot of people, and those people are meeting a lot of other people. That’s one way to make yourself stand out.
At the event:
1. Arrive early
If you arrive late, people will have already formed groups and will be in the middle of conversations. It’s harder to join an established group of strangers than to talk to an individual. If you arrive early, other people are more likely to come up to you and initiate a conversation, or you can go up to an individual or a group that’s just starting up to introduce yourself.
2. Situate yourself
I’ve found that the food table, or the bar, is the best place to meet people. Everyone heads towards one or both of these places at some point, and it provides you with an easy icebreaker right off the bat. Someone turns around with a plate, and you can comment on the shrimp (or pizza). You plate something up for yourself and you can ask someone nearby if the food is as good as it looks, then segue into introducing yourself.
3. Put away your phone
It sounds pretty basic, but when we’re uncomfortable we tend to fiddle with our phones. It’s not impolite anymore, but it is a conversation deterrent. Looking down at your phone can have the same effect as putting in earbuds: it signals to people that you would prefer to not be disturbed. Unless it’s important, you don’t want to discourage people from approaching you by being on your phone.
4. Find the other lone wolf
There will absolutely be at least one other person in the room who is just as nervous as you are. There will always be one person separate from groups, even if for a short period of time. They are your easy targets. Just walk up to them with a big smile and say hi! It’ll put them at ease too, and you can even start things off by talking about how nervous you are. Relatable topics are always good, and the conversation doesn’t have to be professional all the time.
5. Make eye contact
I can’t tell you how many times I wasn’t even planning on talking to someone, but I accidentally caught their eye and then it was too awkward to just walk past them, so I ended up introducing myself and had a pleasant conversation. Don’t ever dismiss a person because you don’t think they’re important enough; you never know when you might need a connection. Eye contact is great. It lets the speaker know you’re interested in what they’re saying, and lets them keep talking. Maintaining eye contact during conversations is helpful, but I personally have a problem with that because sometimes I need to lip-read to make sense of what’s being said, so I know other people might have issues with this too. My advice to you is to make conscious attempt to make eye contact as often as possible. It doesn’t have to be constant or well-maintained. Just as often as you can do it.
6. SMILE
In other words, body language. Be attentive. Try not to cross your arms too much, it comes off as defensive. If you tend to speak with your hands in more ways than one, don’t be shy do wave your arms around as you talk. Fidgeting is also okay, as long as you’re attentive in return. The most important thing is to be comfortable in your own skin, except the smiling part. I know sometimes you really don’t want to smile, but practice in the mirror if you have to. Smile, smile, and then smile some more. If you need breaks from smiling (I do sometimes; it gives me a headache), go the bathroom, then come back and smile again!
7. Ask questions
Easiest way to do this is to subscribe to the five Ws: who, what, when, where, and why (also how). Remember, try not to ask close-ended questions, and if you do, follow up on the answers. Similarly, don’t just answer yes or no to other people’s questions. If you get asked a close-ended question, try to elaborate. If your conversation partner(s) doesn’t follow up with further questions, make sure to ask a question of your own to keep the conversation going.
8. Listen
People like to talk about themselves. Don’t fall into that trap. Listen attentively to other people, ask questions, and elaborate on your own answers, and you’re guaranteed to have a decent conversation even if you’re a bad conversationalist.
9. Ask to be introduced to people
I know, it’s awkward. But you’re already prepared to be uncomfortable, right? If someone you’re talking to has already met a person you wanted to meet at the event, ask to be introduced to them. What’s the worst that could happen? They could say no? Big deal, you can still meet them on your own later, but being introduced is an excellent opener that you want to take advantage of.
10. Introduce others
Connections are give and take. Just like for job hunts, it’s about what you can give others, and not what you can have for yourself. You want to be able to offer your connection something too, but as a college student, your options are fairly limited. One of the easiest and best things you can do for your connection is to offer to introduce them to someone they want to meet (if you’ve met them already, of course). Your connection will remember that, and so will the person you introduce them to. People remember what you give.
11. Scribble on business cards
When you collect business cards, write down some relevant information on them. Relevant information can be as insignificant as “likes dogs”, or as important as, “looking for a comp sci major” (because you know one and can pass that information on to them; once again, networking is about giving as much as receiving). Remember, if you’re on your phone even just to take notes, people are unlikely to approach you, and writing on business cards will keep things in order automatically. Fewer chances of mixing people up.
12. End conversations
Don’t be afraid to end conversations. If things get too awkward or the conversation too stilted, just say, “Well it was great to meet you,” shake their hand, and walk away. Ideally you want to try for a smoother ending, but honestly? It doesn’t matter. It’s very likely the other person won’t really care, and that they’ll meet too many other people to remember your abrupt departure. Be the person who walks away, not the one others have to walk away from.
After the event:
1. Relax
You had a tough day. Keeping up an appearance like that for a long period of time can be tiring. Take some time to chill out and forget about all the people you met today who you need to follow up with. Even if you’re not drained by the process, it’s a good idea to distance yourself from that mindset for a while and do something else you enjoy.
2. Follow up
The worst thing you can do is go to a networking event and then never follow up with all the people you meet. Once you’ve relaxed for a while, connect with them on LinkedIn, or send an email. Look up templates for these emails online, but definitely follow up within a day or two of the event, so they don’t forget about you.
3. Keep in touch
Always think long-term. Don’t forget about your connections after you’ve followed up with them. Remember that your connection likes dogs and maybe once in a while you can send them a cute puppy video. Sometimes you can just say hi again. It doesn’t have to be often (that may or may not be weird), but you should make contact somehow, at least once in a while.
In conclusion:
I’m not going to tell you to be yourself. That’s not realistic for most of us. Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do in order to survive a networking event, even if that means not being ourselves (or being very, very uncomfortable). What I will say is that it really helps to prep beforehand, to expect awkwardness, to approach people first and end conversations first, to smile, and to relax when it’s all over before following up.
Good luck!
