I have always had trouble fitting in. Most of that was my fault - I was a weird kid, obsessed with Napoleon and Feminism, instead of lip-gloss and if boys liked me or not. I never fully fitted in, but somehow I did. I looked like a stereotypical Dutch kid - white, blond, and with blue eyes. I spoke the same language as everyone, and I had a shared history with the rest of the people around me. At the time that didn’t seem important. Fifteen-year-old me cared more about fitting in with other fifteen-year-olds than the rest of my country, but moving to the US made me realize that this is actually quite important.
Don’t get me wrong. I love being a part of the international community. This is a time in our lives where we are surrounded by people from all over the world, and that is an experience that not many people get. But at the same time, I sometimes miss the culture I grew up with. Coming from the same culture, there’s an understanding. You understand people easier, not even because of a language barrier, but because you grew up with people who all have the same kind of customs and background. But even language can be important sometimes. Before coming to the US, I spoke English pretty well, but I had not spoken it continuously. My school was in Dutch, and everyone around me spoke Dutch. In the beginning, it was so tiring to have to speak English constantly. I felt physically exhausted after a day. And even after three years in the US, Dutch is still the language I prefer. I am able to make myself understandable easier in Dutch, I am able to read easier in Dutch, and I am just generally able to understand the language easier.
Coming to the US separated me from my culture, and in the beginning that made me uneasy. I felt like no one understood me, because there was no one that came from the same background. I felt incredibly alone. But over time that changed. I became friends with people, and over time we started to understand each other better. We came from different cultural backgrounds, but we were able to create our own culture of understanding. At the same time, I learned that culture is something very fluid. There are not many people that understand my love for bread, but I found a Norwegian girl with who I can talk for hours about different types of bread. There are so many things that different cultures can share with each other, like spicy food can taste really good sometimes, and learning about new cultures can be an amazing experience, especially when you do it with your friends who are from that culture.
There are four other Dutch kids on campus, and sometimes talking to them can be really great, because it makes me feel less alone. I miss my culture a lot sometimes, but then again so does everyone. We’re all in this weird space where we don’t fit in, simply because we come from different places. But learning from that is an amazing thing, and being displaced from your cultural background is something that allows you to really discover yourself, and who you really are as a person, besides who your culture expects you to be.
Amsterdam
(Photo taken by author)
